Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
There aren't that many movies worth watching. However, the new King Kong is. Go now and watch it. Now. Get up. Go, you big ape! Update (12-22-05) I've now read a lot of reviews about people picking apart the movie, saying how awful it was. I feel obliged to comment: Don't listen to them. There are people out there that will never be satisified with any movie. Stop watching is my advice. This movie was entertaining, one where you immerse yourself in the story. Not one to be nitpicked about small stuff. Two pieces of advice. 1. Don't sweat the small stuff. 2. It's all small stuff.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Me: Hey, I sent in both my defective phones in one packet and thats why your system is showing that I haven't sent back the other phone.
T-Mo Rep: Oh ... ok, let me clear up this outstanding charge to your account.
Me: ... thanks! (pulling myself off the floor)
Time spent on the phone with irate reps: 8 hours
Equivalent pay lost trying to recoup my $120 charge: $200
Getting the charges waived: Priceless!!!
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Monday, December 05, 2005
Dirty job but someone has to do it!
Friday, December 02, 2005
My Achievements by a successful NYU Applicant
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hand gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned my fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradies Lost, Moby-Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish and entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.But I have not yet gone to college.