Filet o' Finger

So I ran to Rite Aid to buy a razor and some shaving cream so I could get rid of a couple days worth of facial hair once I found out I had a meeting called with the HR Manager. I figured it was a sound idea to look your best for the HR department. Guess who I ran into at Rite Aid ? ... yeap the HR manager. Oh well, she saw me in all my 5 o' clock shadow glory ... ans when I went to ring up my stuff ( I was going to buy a sandwich and soda too) the cashier told me my credit card expired ... bummer ... lucky for me I had enough cash on hand ( see honey its a good idea to have a few bucks handy ) to buy the razor and shaving cream. Well I went to the bathroom and told myself don't rush the shaving job or I'd have a pizza face for my possible promotion ... The safety razor had a protective shield that wouldn't come off and I rushed opening it and it sliced a good chunk of my finger. At least my face isn't dripping blood like some horror flick. 

6 652 800 seconds old

So I had to spice up the fact that Nathaniel is 11 weeks old. Nathaniel sez "My dad is a nerd." But I say, if those seconds were years ( and some nights at 3 am they feel like years) Nathaniel would be like in the Jurassic Period.

Oh I took a picture of our family picture ...

Little Bear Hug

Guess that would mean it's a cub hug.

A Little Alabama Football Humor

War Eagle!

10 Weeks + 9 Pounds 1 Ounce = 1 Adorable Baby

He got really attached to the little blue burp cloth. Grip like Sister Stockman ( aka robot crushing hand of pain)

International Blog of Pancakes

I can now claim international fame and stardom. I gotta call my agent. My voice has reached beyond the borders of the USA and began corrupting the mind of some hapless netizen ( if I say information superhighway you can stop reading my blog) of Portugal. It was probably a fluke accident, seeing that he/she/it did not visit my page for more than a second, but even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.

A tidbit for the kiddies shamelessly copied from Wikipedia:

Portugal has witnessed a constant flow of different civilizations during the past 3,100 years, including Greek, Roman, Germanic, Moorish and others, who all made an imprint on the country's culture, history, language and ethnic make-up. During the 15th and 16th centuries, Portugal was one of the world's major economic, political, and cultural powers, with the Portuguese Empire stretching from Brazil to the Indies. With the end of the Empire in the 20th Century, Portugal turned to Europe and today is a stable democracy fully integrated in the European Union.

I Have Created Fire

 

Little Nathaniel was wide-eyed when we introduced him to fire. We did our best to keep the smoke away from him. The in-laws have an outdoor rolling fire place for roasting hot dog and making S'mores. And the debate continues ... a moca brown finish to your toasted marshmellow or en flambe? 

Dave Meets Nathaniel, Bond Forms Immediately

The two have a lot in common. Both love the Auburn Tigers, are card carrying members of the Red Sox Nation, and enjoy their meals from Raquelle and I whenever they can get them.

My Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Ok, disclaimer here: Humility is not my best trait. I'm working on that.

Now that that is out of the way. I'm famous, just not rich (I'm still waiting on a $500 check from Design News for the article). If you google me, you will see the top link points to the site Design News. By the way, Glidden is apparently a famous paint company. I submitted a electronics project that helps keep paintballing safe. And in the true spirit of copying content, my article was soon spotted at Makezine. The photo was shot by a professional photographer from Birmingham who came on assignment to Montgomery.

MVEMJSUNP ... Don't Mess with My Pizza

Any Likeness is Purely Coincidental

Introducing Pre-Pre-School Evil, on his way of course to receiving his Doctorate of Evil in due time. I would suggest everyone listen to him or suffer the sticky consequences. If you are willing to risk life and limb, I have it on good authority that if you feed him, burp him, change his diapers, and at least 6 of the 8 or 9 planets are in conjunction, you can induce a light coma (sleep people) in him anywhere from 10 minutes to 7 hours.

Olives and Onions and Peppers Oh My

In a stranger than fiction turn of events, I had a first happen in my life that caught even me by surprise. I know, me, the guy who turns around in his car to go back to his friend's house because I thought I left my keys at his apartment. It wasn't until I took the keys out of the ignition and stared at them in my hands that I weep silently in my car and drove off in eternal shame.

Back to what happened at chow time at work. I was minding my own in my office right before lunch. I was in a weakened state, on the verge of ravenous hunger, when the aroma of freshly coooked pizza wafted into my domain. A melodious question sounded in my ear ... "Would you like some?" My stomach answered my heart's yearning with a "yes"!

As Brenda brought the box of baked bonanza before my belly, some burden began to brew. My nose discovered the problem at the same time she said it "I just can't eat this supreme pizza on my own."

What was I to do, I already committed to the menacing monstrosity. Microbeads of sweat pooled on my brow as the pugnent odor singed three nose hairs to their untimely demise.

Then a brillant plan formed in mi cabeza as I silently held a vigil for my fallen friends (my three nose hairs). I would select three pieces of pizza ( in their memory), sift them for the good toppings, and combine the meat and cheese from the three into one super, safe, steamy slice of Shangri-la.

Only one issue with my near flawless plan. Actually three. The Olives and Onions and Peppers Oh My. The good pickings were slim. 1.66 pepperonis per slice times 3 slices wasn't enough to make my super slice sing. So I did this off the wall crazy thing. I said what the hay, I'll eat all the toppings. And I did. I really didn't taste the olives in all the onion/pepper crunching, desparate dry heaving, and franticly searching for my garbage can. But I did eat enough pieces of an olive to say I ate the equivalent of one olive and that, ladies and gents, is my first.

Nathaniel's a Thumb Sucker, Just Not Always His Own

Way too cute not to share it here.

Analog and Digital Mixed Singals

What a wonderful weekend. Family’s in town, food simmering on the grill, and Auburn football on TV. But in all the laughter and good times, a disturbing possibility haunted me in the late hours of Monday night. Nathaniel may not be an Auburn fan. Allow me to present all the evidence and you decide for yourselves.

Exhibit A:


Uncle Lance and Nathaniel. Note the smile on Nathaniel's face. Lance made it known to Nathaniel that Lance is going to Auburn and can hook up Nathaniel with season tickets.

Auburn:1 Alabama:0

Exhibit B:



Uncle JJ and Nathaniel. Note the sad look. JJ's defection to the University of

rednecks

Alabama has broken Nathaniel's heart.

Auburn:2 Alabama:0

Exhibit C:



Twiddle dee and Twiddle dum. Dee soaked the Auburn shirt and dum to the bone with a torrential 4+ ounces of liquid white gold, the "more expensive than gas in California" formula. Such a dramatic coup d'état is worth two points for Alabama.

Auburn:2 Alabama:2

What is a worried father to do? Where can he go for help/counseling/greiving? But wait, what's this? A closer examination of the evidence exhonerates el Nino from any wrongdoing on his dad's shirt. Nathaniel's bottle was prepared in the home of a widely publicized Alabama fan, but to his credit a master griller. An undated photo of the griller's grill.
Nathaniel was simply trying to make a statement about Alabama fans as he sacrificed his dinner so as not to taint his body with "Alabama" water. Way to take one for the team, Nathaniel. The Auburn team right little buddy?

Auburn:3 Alabama:2

Chubby Cheeks

On doctor's orders, we started Nathaniel on a rotation of breast milk and formula. You see, his weight has been slowly decreasing since his surgery. However, he has taken to the bottle just nicely, and in two days gained 5 ounces!! We are tickled pink out this fortuitous fatness. And for those wondering, the chubby cheeks refer to Nathaniel, not me (downing some skittles right now).

Proof I Have a Brain: Internet sez so

You Are 43% Left Brained, 58% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. Apparently, I have a big brain. :)

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Bambi Iced on Repeat Birdie by Nathaniel

Bambi and buddy spotted in the back yard of our new home. You are going to have to take my word for it as my trusty 0.2 kilo-pixel camera failed to capture the finer details of this encounter.




With the help of my father in law, our fridge is pumping out the goods now, and much cheaper than the heavy water cubes.



I defied the laws of probability, statistics, and possibly the Patriot Act as I used my own personal weapon of mass destruction to sink yet another amazing birdie putt on my way to another victory over the Evil Duo "Dad Squared". (my dad and my father-in-law)



Nathaniel is tired of his paparazzi-style dad taking so many pictures of him. Note the right hand taking a vicious swipe at the camera. I need to retain a high profile celebrity lawyer and I could make some big bucks!

Look Ma No Hands

Fun project I've been tinkering with lately.

Tagged (Not the Body Spray)

Nathaniel got tagged by Emily over at Lanell’s blog.

3 things that scare me:
*Being alone
*Surgery
*Alabama fans

3 people who make me laugh:

*Mommy
*Daddy
*Knock Knock Jokes

3 things I love:
*Being swaddled
*”The Good Stuff”
*Driving parents batty at 3am

3 things I hate:
*Not being rocked
*Tummy bubbles
*Being dropped down the stairs (just kidding Family Services)

3 things I don't understand:
*Daddy’s jokes
*Why I can’t be attached to mommy 24/7
* Is P equal to NP?

3 things on my floor:
*My pacifier
*My diapers
*Daddy’s clothes

3 things I'm doing right now:
*Eating
*Sleeping
*Drafting UN resolutions for long term Middle East peace

3 ways to describe my personality:
*Stressed
*Temperamental
*Curious

3 things you should listen to:
*My squeaking
*My screaming
*My impersonation of George Duyba Bush


3 things I want to do before I die (in other words, 3 things my mom wishes for me)
*To play sports and excel in school
*To go on a mission and marry in Temple
*Set world record on number of diapers changed in 24 hour period

3 things I love to eat:
*My pain medication
*My burp medication
* Prime Rib (got you again Family Services)

3 things I'd like to learn:
*How to hold my head up
*How to control my flailing extremities
*How to politely excuse myself when I pass gas or burp

3 shows I watch:
*Zombie Slasher Flicks (See Prime Rib and stairs addendum)
*C-SPAN
*Home Shopping Network (can’t wait to learn how to speed dial)

Magical Liger Gauntlets Shaves Strokes

This is my birdie pose. By wearing the Magical Liger Gauntlets, I was able to harness the power of 8 bow-wielding ninjas to sink a 25 foot putt from the rough on the first hole of the Loden-Lloyd Open. It was this putt, combined with the computer hacking skills Spencer possesses that propelled team CNOD to victory. The Loden-Lloyd Open is always played at "The Back Nine", a 9 hole, all par 3, pitch and putt course in Montgomery. The L2 Open just missed an invitation to be an alternative to the U.S. Open. The permissible "trash talking rule" to pysch the other team out was the disqualifier. Terms like "sissy tee off spot", "you'll need a snorkel for sure", and "the green is wet so you'll really have to putt this one extra hard" fly around the course faster that Gary and Kurt's balls do!

Shaken not Stirred (Nathaniel at 5 weeks)

My wife has snapped a very cute picture of Nathaniel smiling. She said it would be perfect for the baby announcements. But apparently, I need NSF grade security clearance to post it to the blog. So you'll be getting it the via Pony Express. In the meantime, you can enjoy the above declassified photo of Nathaniel!

Sheperd Boy Pyloric Stenosis

Nathaniel must really like nurses whose names end with Y. He was taken care of by Penny, Misty, Wendy? and one other nurse whose name I can't remember but I'm sure Raquelle will know.

It all began Thursday night with him throwing up all his dinner. He continued the projectile vomiting (PV) through Saturday afternoon, when we were advised to take him into the ER. He was under observation for 6 hours, throwing up all the pedialyte that he was given. The on-call doctor said he would have to be admitted. Sunday, he hosed the nurse that gave him his IV with two rounds of PV. How sweet the revenge. His belly was imaged via ultrasound to confirm the suspicion of Pyloric Stenosis. The ultrasound nurse also received a double dose of PV. Daddy's leg was drenched in the process. Once the PS was confirmed, surgery was the solution.

Giving up our son to the OR nurses was hard. I'll leave it at that.

Waiting for news of the outcome was hard. I'll leave it at that.

Hearing that he was fine:

like eating German chocolate cake with a cold glass of whole milk after winning the World Cup on a diving header in the last seconds of the game and then celebrating on your 100 foot yacht you bought with the billions you won in an Ed McMann sweepstakes. Actually none of that comes remotely close. It was simply and purely angelic music to my ears.

100th Post = Celebration Contest

Its taken 248 days, but I've made it to 100 posts. It has been an awesome adventure! To celebrate, I decided to throw a contest for the three regular subscribers to my blog ( you know who you are!). Actually, it's open to anyone who stumbles across the contest before it is finished. All you have to do is tell me the importance/history of the picture attached to this post. If you are the first post that accurately describes the photo, you will win a most coveted possession. A delicacy beyond desciption, a piece of heaven on earth, ambrosia from above: a 9x9 pan of my homemade lasagna. If that doesn't get you motivated, I'll buy you a treat at Brusters, now that I am off my diet.

Spencer Loden: CNOD Commando

Only the last three minutes are worth watching, unless you want to watch me scold Spencer for not cleaning his paintball gun. The final bit of the video shows Spencer crawling towards the enemy, bum rushing them both, and eliminating them from the game. Spencer is a paintball commando.

OK, Am I a Terrible Dad?

I saw these hand pillows that are alledgedly the same feel and weight as real hands that you are supposed to use to help your infant feel connected and loved. I only saw, I'm not planning on getting these!